You’ve been through a million and one bad dates where the guy was a douche or the girl was a stuck up bitch. You’ve been through the harrowing process of putting it all on the line to get the number only to be unceremoniously told that your attention is not required (read: pied) or worse, not had the balls or lady nuts to go up to the person you like in the first place. You’ve downloaded Tinder. And deleted Tinder. And then downloaded it again, because, hey, maybe you’ve been matched to the person you want now!…Oh wait. Delete. But then, somehow, as if the fates have aligned and Aphrodite herself has come down from Olympus and bestowed her blessings upon thee, you manage to get the date you want with the person you desire. The question then, is how to you make sure you’re not a one date wonder!
There are a few simple rules that will help you avoid being a footnote in someones dating life; rules that when followed should mean that if the physical attraction is there, you put yourself in the position to make it to the second date.
1. Dress to impress.
Sounds obvious, but first impressions matter. If a girl sees you turn up for the date and you look like you’ve just crawled out of bed, you’re fighting a losing battle straight away. I mean if you can’t even be bothered to make a bit of effort in the beginning what are you going to be like down the line? Likewise, if I pick a girl up and she answers the door wearing anything that has a Nike, Adidas or other sport logo on it, I’m probably going to want to test out her athletic ability and see if she can catch me as I run towards my car. The point is, think about who it is you’re going on a date with. First dates are like auditions, you put on your costume, try a few lines and see if the chemistry is right, you get the part…don’t blow it before you even get in the room by getting the wardrobe wrong!
2. Banter.
Probably the most important thing. If the chat is dry, then the possibility of a second date is basically non existent. The last thing anyone wants on a first date is to have to rack your brains for something to say to fill an awkward silence. So guys, set the tone for the date by being cheeky and witty. Be a little bit outrageous, but always in an endearing way. You want her to be intrigued by you. Obviously you want to her to be interested in your life, but more than that it’s about your character. You need to be different. So take the piss out of her, and yourself, and be sarcastic, but always in a way that shows despite the fact you’re a bit of a dick, you’re also a nice guy. And girls, no dude wants some girl that is just going to sit there and tell us some boring backstory. Maybe you have had a really bad week, and maybe there is a lot on your mind, but truthfully, on a first date, no one gives a shit! Be quirky. Be flirtatious. Be the girl you are at your best and he’ll see you that way. The main thing for both parties to remember is that a first date should be fun.
3. Know when to shut up…
Kind of related to the last point, but don’t be the person that sits there and talks about yourself all night long. No one likes that person. Ask questions, pay attention to the answers and act interested. People love to talk about themselves, so letting them is a winner. If they are playing the game right, you should have more than enough opportunity to get your side in there.
4. Present your best side.
You should be true to yourself and not have to put on an act, because if it’s meant to be, they will like you for your true self! Yay! Said the lonely man as he masturbated into a hand lubricated with his own tears of loneliness inside a room that smelt of shame. The dating game is exactly that, a game. To play it successfully you have to tailor your game to suit the person you’re playing with. In essence, you show the best parts of yourself until the person is invested enough that they won’t run a mile when they see the other stuff.
5. Of course you like football!
Linked to the last point, it doesn’t matter if you couldn’t care less about that sport they love, or if you have zero interest in going to that museum they’re talking about. Tonight you’re interested. I might have zero interest in travelling, but all of a sudden I’m the type of guy that dreams of backpacking around South East Asia! I might thing the idea of a poetry reading sounds like a snoozefest, but all of a sudden, poetry is something I’ve always loved. The point is that if your personalities mesh and things progress, you will find common ground o your likes and dislikes and compromise on the rest. But you will never get to that point if you don’t lie your fucking arse off in the beginning and act interested even when it is something you might know nothing about.
6. Get the kiss.
Do not let the night end without a kiss. Under any circumstances. I don’t care if he had one two many and is a bout chuck up, if you want that second date, make the move! I don’t care if you’re so allergic to her lipstick that when you kiss her you run the risk of your face falling off, make the move! Let me tell you why. If the date has gone well, then both parties will be wanting a kiss. It’s the natural conclusion. Don’t worry about rejection because if the person is into you, they won’t reject you. Now, if you are rejected, then you know there is no point in wasting time because you were on to a loser. So either way, you walk away knowing where you stand. Now consider the alternative, should you not kiss him/her. Firstly, you walk away under a shroud of doubt. As a dude, you really should have the balls to make a move and girls know that. So now she’s thinking that you’re a bit indecisive. Maybe even a bit wet. Good bants maybe, but no sexual aggression. Or worse, maybe he didn’t want to kiss me! Which then leads to feelings of insecurity and before you know it, you’re the douche that didn’t kiss her because she was ugly. Kiss her right, don’t be too handsey and that second date is yours. And girls, if he isn’t man enough to make the move then it’s probably because he doesn’t think you want him to. Whether this is because you didn’t give off the right signals, or because he is just rubbish at reading them is neither here not there. But if you still like him, make the move. The last thing you want is him walking away feeling like you were not interested. You want him walking back to his car with a cheeky smile on his face, thinking about how much he can’t wait to kiss you again. Kiss him right, and I guarantee he’ll be thinking about you every moment until he sees you again.
So that’s it. Just a few tips that should help you navigate that awkward first date terrain to the smother ground of the second. Just remember, above all, it should be fun. So laugh, smile and don’t take things too seriously. It is a game after all.
THE MANSPLANATION 