When I wrote a few weeks back about how a lot of guys will cheat in certain circumstances (see here and here for the articles if you missed them), I took some shit from some friends of mine. Now while I maintain that the majority of people don’t actually live in the real world when it comes to relationship issues and this one in particular, I wanted to clarify. I’m not saying every guy, or girl for that matter, will cheat. What I am saying is that it happens a lot more than people think. In fact in some situations, it’s inevitable.
Maybe inevitable is too simple a position to have considering the complexity of the topic, but the point I was trying to get across was that when you take your head out of the clouds and live in the real world, it’s not hard to see how things happen. I’m not talking the sleazy one night stand kind of cheater. That guy is just looking to up his numbers and is proactively looking for new girls and will probably cheat until the day he can’t get it up anymore. No, I’m talking about the more complex scenario’s that involve some kind of feeling. It might be emotional, or it might be lust that has long been held in check. The point is, there is something there. The people who live in a world of black and white will tell you that it would never happen. If you love someone things like this don’t really go on. The people who realise the world is grey, we know better. For example…
Maybe it’s a girl you’ve been friends with for a while and you’ve started to see each other in a different way. Maybe it’s a girl you’ve had feelings for that have been there for a while and there is tangible electricity between you. Maybe it’s an ex that you never got over and who never got over you. Whatever it is, the connection is there.
There might be a room of supermodels, but you’ve only got eyes for this one girl. You can’t stop thinking about her. You know you should. It can only end badly. But you can’t stop thinking about her. Her lips. Her body. The way she smells. Tastes. feels. Even when you’re with your girlfriend, you can’t stop thinking about her.
You probably feel guilty and anytime you have an argument with the girl you’re lusting after you probably run back to your girlfriend and tell her how much you love her…but it’s still in the back of your mind. Maybe you both resist for a while…maybe even months or years. You don’t want to hurt your girlfriend and you don’t want to ruin a friendship. Maybe only one of you is in a relationship, which makes the other feel even worse. Maybe you’re just strong. But you can’t stop thinking about her. The more time you spend together, the stronger it gets. Every time you see each other you can’t concentrate on anything else. Looks across the room at each other. Texts. Phone calls. Facebook. You’re good friends and so you already know everything about each other. You’ve seen each other with other people and pretended not to care. But you can’t stop thinking about her. Even when you know that this course of action will probably end up costing you your relationship, and for something that you might even know could never work out. But you can’t stop thinking about her. The way her hair is. The way she dances. The way she looks at you.
Even when you’re out you can’t help yourself. Not if she’s there. Even if your girlfriend is out as well. Maybe it’s a night out with your whole group, all your mutual friends, your girlfriend, maybe her boyfriend, her friends, your friends…everyone. But you still can’t stop thinking about her. You sneak away from the group just to see if you can catch her by yourself, or maybe you do it in plain sight of everyone. After all you’re only chatting right? It’s so obvious though, you wonder how no one else can see it. You want to walk away. You both know your pushing it too far, someone’s bound to notice the looks sooner or later. Your girlfriend is in here as well. You’ve got to walk away. So you give her a hug goodbye. Just like you would to any girl who is a friend of yours, except the kiss that normally happens on the cheek moves slightly. Imperceptible to anyone but the two of you. Just a fraction. Just enough so that your lips just about meet. The kiss lasts only a fraction of a second longer than it should, but it’s enough. Whatever will power you still had left has just faded away into the black hole of lust between you that is threatening to destroy anything in its path. Both of you know now…it’s only a matter of time.
Maybe the next day you text each other saying that it was weird and just try and play it off as if it only happened because you were drunk. But you both know the truth. It’s a matter of time. You arrange to meet up, just something innocent, like the cinema or bowling. Just two friends. Yeah just us two…we can hang with other people later. You watch a film, but you don’t really watch a film. You’re just sitting in a cinema thinking about her. Looking at her subtly at first and less so as the night goes on until eventually you look each other in the eyes. It’s killing you. It literally burns in your chest. You want to kiss her so bad. Any look of guilt in her eyes from the night before has faded away and all you can see now is hot lust burning in her eyes. She wants it as bad as you do. She bites her lip…that sexy bottom lip. You look away. You have to. She’s your friend! You’ve got a girlfriend! But you still can’t stop thinking about her. The way her top is cut just low enough so as to tease your imagination. The way her banter is soaked with sexual tension.
You drive her home and she asks you to come in, the same as she has a million times before. You get in the door and look at each other. You’re in serious trouble.
But you. Do. Not. Care.
You can’t think of anything else but the here and now and her. She is everything at that moment. There is no tomorrow. No past. Whatever consequences there may be simply don’t matter. You can barely remember what they even are. There is just you and her and this hurricane of sexual desire inside you both that has swept you up and laid waste to any reason you ever had for not doing this. You push her up against the wall and kiss her. It’s rough but she loves it. Months, maybe even years of frustration pouring out. It’s the kind of sex you will never have with someone you’re in a relationship with. It’s not simply being horny. It is pure, unadulterated lust. Undiluted by past experience or by the knowledge of permission. It’s the unaltered fury of basic instinct. And you realise the obvious truth of it all…
There was never anything you could do to stop it.
The point? It’s not always some dude just going out to bang or some chick who is just looking for some naughty thrill. It’s not necessarily a numbers game or some guy being a dirty dog. That kind of thing can be avoided easily. But when it’s an attraction like the one above, things are different. I’m not saying it’s right and I’m not saying it’s excusable. I’m not really saying anything about it. It happens is all. Burying your head in the sand doesn’t change that fact.