How available for the unavailable?

I thought today I’d write a piece about knowing when to back off and when to press on. It’s a fine line, but it can mean the difference between success and failure in this here game we play.

For example I have a friend who is seeing this girl. Well, he’s banging her anyway. Now at first she was all over him like white on rice, but recently she’s been a bit more unavailable. You all know the story, doesn’t reply to a message for a day where she used to reply straight away. Has an excuse not to see you where before she’d make the time. You get the picture. Nothing formal has been said, but he just gets the feeling that she isn’t as interested.

So. What to do, what to do. Well this is where there are some simple rules that you need to follow. The reason they must be followed is that in essence there are only three things going on with this girl,  and it applies to guys as well, and this can be applied to any other romantic situation where one party isn’t putting in the effort they once were.

1. They have lost interest.

If this is the case, then messaging them and trying to bring it back is only going to make you look desperate. Your only play is too back off and act like you’re not bothered, even though you probably are, and hope that your lack of attention brings you back onto their radar. If not, at least you haven’t shamed yourself by basically begging them to keep doing whatever it was you were doing.

2. They still want you but are having doubts.

Maybe they’re worried it’s getting too serious. Maybe they were cheating on a boyfriend/girlfriend with you and their conscience is acting up. Whatever it is, it’s not that they don’t like you, it’s that there is something getting in the way. As with the scenario above, just back off. Again you don’t want to come off desperate, and the best way to cure the doubts are to make them think about you. ‘Why hasn’t he/she text me?’ etc. And then if the person decides he or she doesn’t want to carry on, you haven’t debased yourself and made yourself look like a gameless chump. Obviously don’t blank them, but don’t chase them either, unless they make it clear that is what they want. The fact the person isn’t replying should tell you that is not the case here.

3. It’s all in your head.

Maybe nothing has changed and your just reading to much into things. In my friends situation, they are only smashing, so there are plenty of reasons why she might be a bit unavailable. So again, just back off. Do what you would normally do and play it cool. If the person is still interested, they know you have been messaging them so they’ll get back to you when they can. If they don’t, well then see number 1!

The point is, in none of these scenarios is being overly proactive a good thing. Don’t overreact. Just sit back and let things play themselves out. You’ll be glad you did because if it’s scenario 1, the truth is you had no chance anyway. Maybe doing nothing is the only thing that will actually help. If it’s scenario 2, then being clingy and paranoid is definitely not going to help. If it’s scenario 3, then you have nothing to worry about and if you convince yourself of a problem that doesn’t even exist, you might actually be the thing that creates the problem. That’s some Terminator quantum physics shit that we don’t even want to think about!

So chill. If they want you, they want you. You won’t have to try and convince them, and bombarding someone with messages is definitely not the way you would anyway. As with most things, taking a step back and letting the dust settle will leave you with a much clearer view.

And if worst comes to worst…pshhhhh…onto the next one!