How to get the girl you want.

So after I wrote my last post about Julien Blanc and how his ‘methods’ for attracting women are ridiculous, I had people challenging me to explain what I felt was a realistic way to pick up girls. So, the secret about the foolproof way to make ladies like you. You ready? IT. DOES. NOT. EXIST.

The first thing you have to understand about women if you’re going to have any hope of going after the girl you want, or the girls you want if you’re just looking for some fun, is that there is no one pick up line that is going to work on every girl. Forget what you’ve seen on T.V or read in some pick up book. I mean, I’ve had friends that read ‘The Game’ who got mad hyped because they now felt they had the tools they would need to go out and reel in any girl they wanted, only to discover once they tried, that in reality, one does not become endowed with Game simply through reading about it. FYI this article is more inclined towards having success with girls you haven’t met before. We’ll talk about how to get out of the friend zone another time.

See, there are certain fundamentals that though not universal, can be counted on as a near certainty when it comes to women. They respond to confidence for example. So the right line delivered by a guy who is confident in himself may very well produce the desired result. The same line used by someone who is not used to talking to women will likely result in an epic fail. The lesson here? It’s not the line, but the way the line is delivered. As with anything, if a person is confident whilst carrying out a task, it is more likely to succeed. Women for the most part do not want some wet, nervous guy who can barely get a word out. If that’s your demeanour upon approaching a woman, then I promise you, it doesn’t matter what line you use.

So that’s the first thing. Confidence. Not to be confused with arrogance. Girls love a cocky, cheeky guy with confidence and banter. They do not love a guy who is so full of himself that he just assumes that every girl wants him. It’s a fine line, but finding that balance is important. Think of it this way; confidence is looking at the prettiest girl in the room and having the belief in yourself that you can go up to her, talk to her and that she’ll respond to your charm. Arrogance is looking at the girl and just assuming she’ll want you before you’ve even done anything. So anyway, before you do anything else, you need to be confident.

Secondly, it’s important to understand what is actually happening when you go up and talk to a girl. As a disclaimer, this is just my opinion, but I promise you, this should be a fact that is passed down to boys by their fathers. This is how much I believe this to be true. So, here we go. Books, films and TV have given the impression that you can go up to a girl, say the right line or tell the right joke and that if it is fun enough then the girl will give you a shot. Incorrect. I mean, there are going to be occasions when a girl is intrigued by what you’ve said, and so she may indulge you for a minute, but in the main, this line of thinking is 100% wrong, because it fails to recognise the simple truth about hook ups. It’s physical. It all starts with our base instincts and carnal desires. So listen up and listen good. When you approach a girl, she has already made up her mind about whether or not she is going to have your chat within 5 seconds of seeing you. If she doesn’t like the look of you, it doesn’t matter what you say. You could pull out the holy grail of lines and it won’t make one shred of difference. Conversely, even if your line is a bit lame, it won’t matter either. If she thinks you’re hot then she’ll give you a chance. That’s hurdle number 1. Number 2 is what to do next if she’s having it.

Remember this next point. The fact she’s talking to you when she doesn’t know you and has probably been hit on by a million other guys, means that she finds you attractive. No need to worry about that. She’s interested or else you wouldn’t even have gotten to this stage. Now it’s all about your banter. If your chat is dry as dirt, then the initial attraction may not be enough to sustain your effort. I mean, she might find you so hot that it doesn’t matter what you say, but in general, girls want some intellectual stimulus. By that I don’t mean start talking about the news! They want to be entertained and for you to be cheeky and charming. Whereas we’ll bang a girl just because we think she’s hot, girls need a bit more most of the time.

So you’re talking with her, which means she finds you attractive. If the conversation has lasted more than 10 minutes and she’s laughing, then your banter is working. There really is no more to it. If she thinks you’re good looking and have banter, she’s going to be hooked.

How to banter is much more complex. That’s a hard one to explain. You want to be cheeky and a bit of a dick, but in a funny way. Take the piss out of her a bit, but then stroke her arm whilst laughing and telling her you’re joking. Be sarcastic, but always in a nice way. Be tactile but in a subtle way. Be confident that you’re interesting enough that she will want to find out more. Ask her about herself and her interests and find something to playfully joke about. Take the piss out of yourself. We could go on forever, but the main point is to be the kind of guy who is simultaneously interesting, funny and a bit of a dick (but not an arrogant arsehole).

We could go into a lot more detail on this subject. Tactics for making the first move, how to close the deal, what to do if she’s with friends etc etc, but for now, just focus on the key elements of what you need to bring to the table. The rest of it will take care of itself most of the time. Confidence. The knowledge that if she’s talking to you, she probably finds you attractive. Banter. Always remember the banter. Don’t worry about being the guy she notices when she first walks in the club, you can’t control that. Worry about being the guy she thinks about when she gets into bed.

That’s the key to it and the answer to the riddle that Julien will never understand. Girls don’t want to be treated like shit and you don’t need to be a lying, controlling or manipulating douche to get them. What they really want is an anti-hero. A guy who likes to chase but isn’t easy to tame. The bad boy with a good heart. It’s not that the good guy comes last, it’s that a lot of time he never even gets in the race. But remember, even though it’s the bad boy that gets the girl a lot of the time, it’s the good guy that ends up keeping her. Your job is to find a way to be both.