How to get the guy you want (Part 1): Meeting a new guy.

So last month I wrote a blog about getting the girl you want, so it only seems fair to flip the script and look at how a girl can get her hands on the guy she wants.

I’m going to do with this one, what I should have done with the last one and split it into different parts, because how you go about getting the guy you want is going to depend on the circumstances. There could be any number of scenarios but I’m going to focus on what I see as the main three, namely:

1. Getting a guy you don’t already know.
2. Getting a guy you do already know.
3. Getting a guy back.

This piece will focus on the guy you don’t already know. There are obviously going to be certain elements that are prevalent through all three but to think the approach is the same is a school boy (or girl!) error.

Getting a guy you don’t already know.

So first things first. As a girl, you need to understand that the way you view meeting a guy, in say a club for example, and the way he views it, are very different. Before we go any further, let me make it clear that I am fully aware that I will be making generalisations in this piece. I don’t see that as a bad thing as we are looking at the rule, not the exception. So anyway, when a guy is in a club, most of the time he is looking for a girl to have sex with. Maybe not that night, but sex is his endgame. Or to put it in a nicer way, fun is his endgame. He is probably not looking for a relationship. That’s not to say he doesn’t want to meet a girl he can go on a date with, but he probably isn’t looking for a wifey. That’s just not how we’re wired. The reason it’s important to understand this is because if you are looking at getting a guy on a night out, you need to understand that even if you are on the hunt for a boyfriend, you cannot, under any circumstances let the guy you’re after know it! This brings us to one of those strands that is true of 99% of hook-ups and new relationships which is that if you come on too strong, the guy will bolt. So as we move on, just keep in mind that it’s all about keeping it casual and fun and not coming off like someone who is looking for Mr. Right.

Now that’s out of the way, let’s get down to it! Realistically, the easiest place to meet a guy is on a night out. This is mainly because you are already in a social environment and the majority of people that are out will have mutual goals (meeting people, getting drunk etc etc). I mean, you might meet a guy you like at a coffee house or on the train, but that is probably going to be a spontaneous situation. We’re dealing with the kind of situation where you go out wanting to hook up with a guy, either for a quick bit of fun or because you want to find a boyfriend and haven’t had any luck within your current social circle.

So when you’re on a night out it’s important for you to realise that as a girl, everything is in your favour. I’ve told this to girls before and they don’t believe me, so let me explain. Single guys, whether they admit it or not, go out every single time wanting to hook up with a girl. Even guys that are not single want to get attention. Even when guys are making it out like that they are on a boys night and they are not interested in chicks…they are still interested in chicks (this obviously is more the single ones). When you factor in the group dynamic of a bunch of guys, with none of them wanting to be the one who gets no attention, this need for female validation becomes even more enhanced. Believe me, no dude wants to be the one sitting down, on his phone pretending to message someone whilst his boys get all the play. You only have to look at how far a guy will drop his standards to see how important it is for some guys to not leave the night empty handed.

Quite simply, it’s supply and demand. As a girl you are in demand, so all you have to do is want to supply. The reason this works so much in a girls favour is that unlike guys, a girl can genuinely go out with her friends and not be disappointed if she doesn’t pull. Obviously no girl wants to feel like no guy wanted her, but girls can have a girly night and not feel the same pressure that guys feel. The end result is that on a night out, guys need girls more than girls need guys. THEY have to come to YOU. So straight away you have the advantage. Before you have even stepped into the club, the game is rigged in your favour.

So what to do with this knowledge? Not much really. Just understand the landscape and it should be pretty easy. Guys want you, and it’s just a matter of picking the one you desire.

I remember writing once that the line about the prettiest girl in the club getting no attention because guys are intimidated is bullshit and I stick to that. Girls get harassed in clubs most of the time unless they have a big ‘fuck off’ pretty much stamped on their forehead, so as a dude you have to bring something different to the table. Looking at it from the other side, as the girl, now that you know that pretty much every guy wants your attention, it’s just about letting the one you want know that your interested. A smile, a wink, or something as simple yet seductive as a bit of eye contact. And if that fails because the guy is too much of a chicken to make a move, just go up to him and say hi. If your thinking that you don’t want to get turned down, think back throughout your adult life. How many times has a guy pied you in a club? Now think about how many guys you have pied off. I’m guessing the latter heavily outweighs the former. Trust me, no dude is going to rubbish you. Even if a guy doesn’t fancy you, he won’t rubbish you. Why? Because it all comes back to the need for attention.

So you’ve gone to the club and you know that guys want you. You’ve seen a guy you like, shown him that you’re interested, and he’s come over to you and you’re talking. This is where the game gets more interesting. If the guy knows anything, he should know that just the fact that you’re talking to him means you’re interested and so the advantage you had is lessened a bit. Your biggest weapon however is still his biggest weakness. He wants to have sex with you. As long as you remember that, you’re still going to be in control. In fact as long as that remains the dynamic, you will remain in the drivers seat. It’s only once emotions get involved, or if you give up the goods to quick, that things will change.

With this in mind, just flirt away. Stroke his arm suggestively, be sexual and banter with him. Always banter. The same way that girls crave that cheeky banter, no guy likes a girl who is as dry as dirt. The only difference is a guy will put up with the banter deficiency in an attempt to bang you, but if you hold any hope of it being more than that, you need to have a bit about yourself. Unless your so hot that he just doesn’t care what comes out of your mouth because all cares about is what goes in it…if ya get me. Either way, that does not make for a long term investment, if that’s what you’re after.

If you like the guy and want to see him again, do not go home with him. I repeat. DO NOT GO HOME WITH HIM. The two errors girls make which are sure fire ways to kill any hope of having something that goes somewhere are coming on too strong and having sex too quick. Trust me when I tell you that even though he doesn’t want to wait, he actually does want to wait. He wants to work for it. It is so frustrating when you think it’s going to go down but then it doesn’t. But you know what, when we leave you at your door or at the entrance to the club we are going to be thinking about you every second of every day until the next time we see you. I mean if you give it up straight away, that’s it. Mission accomplished. But if you do it in stages, ya know, first base, second base blah blah, trust me, when it goes down it will be a lot better, and crucially, you will have spent more time together building up to something that can last once the physical stuff is not the only thing between you. Obviously if all you want is to get smashed on a one night stand then by all means go home with him. Just don’t expect to be anything other than a booty call in the future.

So in a nutshell, that’s it. Understand that in the initial stages, guys want you more than you want them. Have confidence in that fact and use it to get the guy you want. Flirt, joke and be interesting and sexual…but leave him wanting more. Always, always, always leave him wanting more. Make sure when he leaves the club he is thinking about you and feeling frustrated. Because I’m telling you now, if you do it right, he will be thinking about you when he wakes up the next morning. All you have to do is decide whether you want to turn his thoughts into reality.

Supply and demand. There’s a reason some businesses thrive and some go bust. Luckily, you are one of the most sought after commodities going, and the demand isn’t going away any time soon!