Should you worry about his or her ex?

Let’s not fuck about, we all hate the ex. We might not say it, we might not even want to admit it to close friends, but when we first get with someone, and sometimes even long into a relationship, deep down at some point, we all wish the ex would fall off a cliff. I kid. Sort of.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or a girl, an upgrade, a downgrade, if the ex is out of the picture or if they are ever present, the truth is no one is immune to feeling threatened by this unknown enemy.  It’s silly really. Fretting over some person that may or may not even matter to your current lover. But see that’s the issue! It’s unknown. If it was some dude creeping up on your chick, or some next girl trying to seduce your man, you could get your head around it. That threat exists in the physical world, so you can defend against it. Whether it’s puffing your chest out to warn the dude off, or going to dance with your man so all the other girls see, there are moves you can make. But with an ex, the enemy isn’t one of a physical nature. You’re fighting a ghost. More specifically, the ghost of a past relationship.

This is an issue on two fronts because there is the way you view this ex and the relationship he/she had with your current partner, and then there is the way your partner views it. If there is unfinished business between the two, or your new lover holds a candle for their ex, then you are not only fighting the physical form of the ex, but also the idea of them. Time has a funny way of smoothing over the rough past so that when you look back you somehow forget that she turned into a massive bitch, or that he was a total dick, and instead you only remember the amazing sex or the good times you had. Time either completely erases the love two people once shared, or it memorialises it into some unobtainable ideal that is no where near what the reality actually was. If it’s the latter, then it can be hard to compete against. Just remember, getting pissed off and acting jealous will only make things worse and further serve to enhance the memory of their past relationship. Really you’ve only got two options. The first option is to bet on yourself, believe that you are a better fit and that in time the new relationship will shine bright enough to eliminate any trace of their relationship with their ex. If you can’t do that, then really you need to walk away because if you truly believe that your lover is caught up on their ex, then you’re only going to end up getting hurt and getting mugged off in the end. The fact that you’re even worried about the ex to this extent is probably a bad sign, whether your concerns are valid or not.

Which brings me to the next point which is how YOU view the ex. See, its very possible that the above stuff is true. That your partner does harbour feeling for an ex and wants them back. However it may be equally true that this is all just in your head. You might be acting a little bit crazy because you have some warped idea of how amazing the ex was. I’ve seen it happen. Dudes worrying because the ex was richer, or had a better job, or maybe even worrying about if his cock was bigger. Chicks obsessing over the experiences a guy had with an ex or getting insecure because they view the ex as being prettier. Do you get how crazy that is? That you, not them, are the one bringing the ex into things?! People sometimes obsess so much about relationship history, that they start to fuck up their relationship future.

So instead of worrying about his/her ex, consider the facts. They are no longer together. Fact. Something was wrong enough in their relationship that one or both decided they were better off without each other. Fact. He/she is now with you. Fact. That’s all the factual information. The rest is just judgement. If they constantly talk about their ex, then yeah, ditch them because obviously there is still a flame there. If someone was in a long term relationship, then of course there are going to be some unresolved feelings that may take some time to get over. You just need to decide if you’re willing to take the risk and put in the time. If, on the other hand, there is no evidence of either of these things, then consider that you might just be taking a turn towards crazy town, slap yourself, and get a grip, because you might end up being the one thing that ruins what could have been something amazing, and all for something that may not even ever be an issue.