The importance of attraction.

Is personality more important? Controversial. Obviously the P.C answer is to say yes. Of course it is. It’s what’s on the inside the counts. Like, I’m sure all these girls that have been sliding off their seats at the new Magic Mike film recently were doing so because of Channing Tatum’s personality. The deep character development that the movie just doesn’t get enough credit for. The dancing and semi naked dudes were obviously just there to further the narrative 😒

But seriously, there is a reason that women all over the world have flocked to see a movie like that. They want to be turned on. A naughty little thrill. They want to look at some hot guys and escape for a few hours into a world of fantasy. Why? Because physicality matters. Attraction matters.

Obviously in the hooking up stage, it’s pretty much the only thing that matters. It’s a meat market. But what about when relationships progress? It’s almost criminal to suggest to people that personality might not be the most important thing. But here is where I see the problem. Because whilst there is this idea that a persons personality should be what is most important in a relationship, it then follows on that the attraction doesn’t matter as much. Which is a nice way of saying that people get lazy and stop making the effort. They take each other for granted and then get offended at the notion that the physical should hold as much weight as the emotional. Like I said, controversial, but I’m calling bullshit on that one. Why should you have to settle? Why should you have to have a relationship that is devoid of passion and attraction?

See, it’s obvious that finding someone you can spend your life with, who compliments you on an emotional level and who you click with, is a lot harder to find than someone who is just physically attractive. However, I maintain you need both to have a happy and lasting relationship. I wouldn’t get with a girl I didn’t find physically attractive, just like I wouldn’t get with one who was a complete bitch or a total bore. I also wouldn’t stay with one if she became a complete bitch or a total bore, but I am expected to not care if the attraction part goes? Nuh uh. I’m saying you need both. Otherwise you become just friends that are in relationship. That’s how affairs happen and how people split up.

The other thing about it is, why do we let it happen in the first place? We all know that life can get in the way. Jobs, babies and ever more hectic schedules. But we have this person at home that we are comfortable with and so it’s all good right? You know they love you so you stop worrying about the other side of the relationship. Stop taking care of yourself in the same way. Stop having as much sex. There is no excuse for this…not in the long term. I’m not talking about baby weight or illness here. Obviously some things are out of a persons control. But excluding things like that, it’s just laziness. Or maybe something worse, maybe it’s just indifference. In essence, the question of whether your partner thinks your hot doesn’t really enter your mind anymore. You just begin to sort of…exist together. The fire isn’t there.

Of course it’s to be expected that things won’t be the same years down the line as they are in the beginning, but does that mean that you should have to accept a relationship that only fulfils you on an emotional level? And do you want to be the person that only fulfils someone 50%? Put it another way, do you want to be the guy whose woman goes off to the cinema and watches Magic Mike just to remember what it’s like to have a bit of excitement in her life? Or a woman whose man looks everywhere but at her? No. Clearly not. And yet that’s what happens in a lot of relationships. Call it what it is, you’re just best friends. And although that in itself is a beautiful thing, is it enough?

I’m just saying, and this applies to both sexes, even if maybe a bit more towards guys; eventually people will look elsewhere to fulfil their needs. It might be months or years. But if you are happy at home in everywhere but the bedroom, then sooner or later, those needs will be met somewhere else. And then who knows where that leads. Maybe it’s just sex. Maybe you fall in love with someone else. Who the fuck knows.

So why get in that situation? You got with each other and had that attraction. There was a time when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You loved that feeling no? Of course you did. Everyone loves to be lusted after. That doesn’t change. We still want people to think we’re hot, and we still want to satisfy our sexual desires, and yet with the one person who we are closest with, we don’t apply any of this and then hide behind the personality idea again. You’ll dress up for others and flirt your arse off, but when it comes to your partner, where is this effort? This desire? See it’s not a looks thing, it’s an attitude thing. Sexual attraction isn’t just based on what someone looks like, it’s that intangible feeling that brings out your lustful side. It’s about being tactile, flirty and letting the other person know that you see them not just as a partner, spouse or mother/father, but as a sexual person who you still find delicious.

So to sum up, personality is non negotiable. No way you can be with someone and have a successful long term relationship if you don’t have the emotional connection. This is a must have. After all, when you’re old, this is going to be the person you spend all your time with. When looks no longer matter, you need someone who will love and stimulate you. BUT…you’re not old. And right now, attraction matters. So don’t fall into the trap of laziness and think that just because you love each other, the physical side can be neglected. That way lies the path to ruin.

You need both. You deserve both. It’s not a bad thing to want both. So do something about it.