My alarm is going off and for once I’m already awake. I’ve been out of university and working for enough years that I know I should be used to getting up and going to bed at reasonable times by now, but it’s one of the parts of the real world I’ve never become accustomed to. In truth I can’t understand how people ever choose to get up early. Some guys in my office go to the gym before work and get up at times I can’t even imagine. I have to be up at half six and I only do that because I need to get in the office before eight. It’s a nine to five job, but anyone in the investment banking racket will tell you that if you think you’re going to make it in this game putting in only eight hours a day then you’re fucking dreaming. Especially at a massive firm like Rowland Kensington. The financial rewards are big, but the price you pay is that it does take over your life. The repercussions of that are that the chances to really unwind become harder to come by, so you either lose your social life, or you burn the candle at both ends. I choose the latter, which explains why the alarm is always such a pain for me.
Usually this would easily be the worst part of any day, but today I’ve been wide awake for a while already. As I lay staring at the ceiling, I’m keenly aware of why this is. It’s been two weeks and Eve will be back in the office today. As has been the case for the last few weeks, I go over the ridiculousness of my obsession. I have only met this woman once. Once! In a fucking business meeting! I feel like I must have hyperbolised the way she was that day. No woman could possibly be as sexy as she is in my mind. She has reached a level of attractiveness in my fantasies that almost makes it impossible for her to live up to my imagination, really leaving only the possibility of disappointment as the probable outcome. The possibility has also not escaped me that I may have exaggerated the way she flirted with me. It’s entirely possible that because I was so flustered by her demeanour and overwhelmed by my sexual attraction to her, that I have convinced myself of something that wasn’t really there. I pout and squint one eye as I consider that last thought. Normally I’m really good at reading women and what they are thinking with regards to me, especially when it comes to judging if there is an attraction. It doesn’t seem plausible to me that I would have completely imagined the way she was with me and read it completely wrong. But then on the flip side, when I think about it logically, how can it have been the way I’ve been fantasising about? It just seems like I must have blown the whole thing out of proportion. For all I know she hasn’t given me a second thought since that first meeting. Whatever the case, It doesn’t change how excited I am to see her.
I get up and carry out my well practised morning routine. I do three sets of 35 pressups, followed by three sets of wide grip chin-ups on a bar I installed on a door frame. I know the pump will be gone by the time I see Eve, but I still feel like I’ll look better in my suit for it, however illogical that may be. I shower, moisturise, pick out my suit and then eat, the only deviation from my normal routine being a wank in the shower. This serves two purposes; firstly, when I see Eve, I don’t want to be thinking with my cock, at least not to the point where fucking her is all I can think about and secondly, I need to be on point at work and if I’m preoccupied thinking about Eve naked, I’ll get nothing done. One wank won’t solve these problems completely of course, but it helps a little bit. I learnt this lesson whilst at uni when I made it my mission to sleep with one of my lecturers. I had decided to abstain from sex with other girls until I nailed her, and in doing so, became so horny that I lost all sense of what was a good move and what was going to be an epic fail. I learnt that having a wank to clear the head was necessary when trying to wage a long-term lust campaign. It worked as well because I ended up fucking her on numerous occasions. Unfortunately she started talking about where it was going so I had to lock it off. Still, objective achieved. This thing with Eve feels different though. I don’t feel in control at all, which is maybe part of the attraction. I rush to get ready and leave earlier than I normally would. The journey to work passes quickly and I find I’m on auto pilot for most of it. When we pull into Canary Wharf underground I almost miss the stop as I daydream but I manage to catch the door just before it closes and force it open. The walk from the station to the office is only a few hundred metres and before I know it I’m walking through the foyer towards the lifts. I hesitate before getting in and take deep breath, letting it out in an exaggerated manner.
Pull your shit together boy.
‘How long do you think you’ll be gone for?’ I ask him.
‘Oh who knows, you know how these things go.’
‘Well do you have an idea at least? A week, a month? I’d like to know how long I’m going to have to wait to see my husband again.’
That’s not strictly true. I’m actually quite relieved that he’s going away. I feel like I’m alone in this relationship anyway so I may as well have my own space.
‘Well I should think at least two weeks but maybe a bit longer. I would fly back but it’s china Evey, and it would be just too much hassle.’
I watch him as he speaks, fastening his tie in the mirror. I gave up on helping him with such things a long time ago. The last time I did his tie for him was years ago before a charity dinner at which he was speaking, and he shouted at me for making it ever so slightly asymmetrical. I find it strange now because I still can’t help but admire him as a man, but at the same time I find I just want to scream at him and brain him with a heavy object. His complete ambivalence to my simmering anger only serves to frustrate me further. I watch as he puts the finishing touches on the Eldredge knot he has chosen and toy with the idea of walking up to him and pulling the tie whilst pushing the knot into his throat. I snigger at the idea which causes him to look at me.
‘What’s so funny?’ He queries.
‘Nothing sweetheart.’ I reply.
The first day back is always a bit of a pain in the arse, but once I’m back in the office I find that I’m soon back in the swing of things. After going through and replying to what seems like an unending amount of emails I actually find I’m quite relieved to be back at work. I loved the break, but I find I’m quite relieved to be away from Joshua. The more time I spend with him, the more frustrated I get and the two weeks away just compounded that feeling. Instead of coming back feeling connected and lusted after, I just feel annoyed and horny. So fucking horny. God I just want to be fucked. Hard and rough and the fact that I’m now thinking about this is only frustrating me more. I mean, what kind of husband doesn’t want to fuck a wife that will literally let you do whatever you want to her. I find myself scratching my neck the way I always do when I’m frustrated or stressed.
Stop it! Pull yourself together girl!
I’m sure there would be a lot of people who would think I was a bit of a bitch for feeling this way. Poor, poor Eve, we feel so sorry for you. Rich, handsome husband, extravagant holidays, multiple houses, cars and credit cards with no limits. You have it so hard. I know how it would sound, but as much as I love my lifestyle, I’m beginning to genuinely wonder if it’s worth the trade-off. I’m not in love with him, that’s the brutal truth that I keep denying. I love him, but I need more than that. I’d trade all of the gifts he gives me for one romantic night that ended in him ravaging every bit of my body.
Enough!!!
Try as I might, my inner monologue continues throughout the morning, only interrupted by the admin that has stacked up in my absence that requires my attention. Eventually the tedium of post holiday catching up and correspondence is finished and I set about getting some actual work done. The first thing on my agenda is a ten o’clock meeting with my team. I’ve never been the strict boss type so I tend to have a good rapport with people I work with, both above and below. I know how I want things done and as long as people fall in line and are good at their job, I like to leave people with enough space to achieve and not crowd them with micro management. I’ve always found having a certain level of attractiveness helps as well. Men are simple creatures sometimes and it doesn’t take much to have them doing what you want. Having said that, I have no problem with saying that I am outstanding at my job. I’m not yet in my mid thirties and I’m already a Director at one of the biggest banks in the world, and despite what some ignorant people think, this has nothing to do with who my husband is or the fact that I am nice to look at. I’m sure these things don’t hurt, but I got here because I am good at what I do.
As I approach the meeting room that is down the hall from my office I feel my pulse quicken ever so slightly as I see Max already sitting inside. The walls to the conference room are made of glass and so it has a very open plan feel in fitting with the decor of the whole floor, meaning there isn’t much privacy unless you have your own office. I stop for a moment and watch him. He’s texting on his phone, wearing ash grey trousers and a black shirt. He’s not facing me so I can’t tell if he’s wearing a tie or not. I hope not. I’m sick of ties. I feel instantly glad that I went for the tight pencil skirt instead of the comfy trousers I was going to go for. I feel a giddy thrill at the thought of him looking at my arse and wanting it. I admonish myself as I realise that I’m just standing in the middle of the corridor just staring at him with a cheeky smile on my face. He’s early which has thrown me a bit because I like to be in first so that I’m prepared when people arrive. I also feel it exerts an air of dominance when you are already there and watching people enter. It gives me a sense of control.
‘Hello Max.’ I say as I walk through the door, not stopping to face him.
‘Hello Max.’
I hear her voice before I see her and feel that lurch in my stomach that I only feel when something either makes me nervous or excited. On this occasion I think it’s both. I go to reply but she strides past me without stopping to look at me. Once again I’m caught completely off-balance. It does however offer me the opportunity to look at her arse. She’s wearing a tight black skirt that hugs her curves perfectly with a white sleeveless shirt tucked in. Her long dark hair is tied up in a bun in some elaborate style that I’m sure took longer than she would admit to pull off. As she moves to the front of the room I catch the smell of her perfume. I recognise it instantly as the same one she wore when we first met and as it did the first time, it makes me want to move into her neck. To kiss it. Bite it.
‘How was your holiday?’ I ask, trying my best to be the embodiment of nonchalance.
She still doesn’t face me as she places her bag on the table and looks through it. ‘Wonderful. The weather was fantastic and the beach was stunning.’
I feel like she’s not looking at me on purpose which makes me think I didn’t imagine the way she was during the first meeting. On top of that, it’s clear to me that despite how gorgeous she has been in my fantasies since our first meeting, I did not over exaggerate. She’s stunning in every way. Beyond beautiful. She looks like she should be in the movies or in a magazine. I feel my heart speed up as I conclude that I’ve read the situation right and decide to put it out there. Not too much but just enough.
‘Well it’s obviously agreed with you, because you look good for it.’
I study the side of her face as she continues to look in her bag. She hesitates for just the briefest of seconds and I see the smallest curl of her lips into an almost imperceptible smile. Almost imperceptible.
She pulls out a folder from her bag and places it on the desk and then looks at me, holding my gaze for a few seconds. ‘Thankyou Max, that’s nice of you to say.’
Our eye contact doesn’t break. ‘You’re welcome.’
‘You’re welcome’
God he’s sexy. I want to walk up to him and straddle him right now and ride him in front of everyone. I can’t help but think back to my fantasy about blowing him in my office. I imagine kneeling in front of him in the chair he’s sitting in, pushing his legs apart as I undo his belt. The thought makes my cheeks flush, but I don’t mind. I half want him to know what I’m thinking. It’s obvious that he wants me, I could see it written all over him the moment I laid eyes on him. I find it empowering but also perversely ironic that I can derive more sexual satisfaction from a look from Max than I can from two weeks in paradise with my husband.
‘How have you been settling in?’
He still doesn’t break eye contact with me which forces me to look away. I realise that I’m playing a very dangerous game because it dawns on me that I don’t think this man is just flirting with me. He genuinely wants me. Well to sleep with me anyway. Not in a ‘I want to sleep with my boss office talk’ kind of way, but in a ‘if I get the chance I’m going to fuck her brains out’ kind of way. I turn around to fumble with my bag again, trying not to let him know that he has me momentarily flustered. This is not how I usually behave and it’s thrown me out of my comfort zone. I often flirt, but there isn’t anything behind it, and even if I have felt an attraction, most of the men in this field are intimidated by who my husband is.
I wonder if he knows who I’m married to?
I hadn’t really considered any of this because deep down I knew I was just fantasising. But now it’s dawning on me that this could actually happen if I’m not careful. He wants me and the more I think about it, the more I feel like I want him to take me. He strikes me as the type of guy who would know what he is doing. I remind myself that I need to find out more about his background.
‘Yeah it’s been good. I’m still getting used to the building and some of the systems, but everyone has been really nice. Went for after work drinks the other night so that was nice to get to know people a bit better.’
I reply still with my back to him. ‘Oh good. I haven’t been for drinks for a while so I’ll come to the next one and you can buy me a drink.’
As soon as I’ve said it I’m glad that he can’t see my face.
What the hell are you doing!
‘Oh good. I haven’t been for drinks for a while so I’ll come to the next one and you can buy me a drink.’
I go to reply but find myself slightly tongue-tied. She’s so forward and so confident it just throws me off whilst simultaneously driving me crazy. I just want to walk up behind her, hike up her skirt and run my hands all over her arse. Punishment for being so distractingly perfect. As I’m about to get my reply out before the intervening pause becomes awkward, the door opens and more members of the team walk in. I’m still getting to grips with everyone’s name, which I know is bad, but I’ve had a lot on my plate. Luckily this is only a meeting about a specific client so the whole team isn’t involved. There’s Harold who bored me with his wine and holiday stories on my first day, a guy named David who I think I’ll get along with well because he’s into sports and like me, he doesn’t come from money, a dude whose name I am really having trouble remembering because he is literally one of the dullest people I’ve ever met, and lastly, Zara. Things with her have been a bit awkward because she keeps on hinting for me to take her out. I don’t want to hurt her or make things even more awkward but I know if I keep having sex with her I’ll only hurt her in the long run. I’ve fucked her a few more times since the work drinks, and each time I feel myself leaving less and less interested. It’s not that she’s not a nice girl, but she’s not Eve.
‘Hello Eve! How was the holiday?’ Asks Harold.
‘Really wonderful thank you. I could have stayed there forever. How about you guys?’
‘Oh the ship has sailed smoothly. Did you catch the LBO proposal for Meridian?’
LBO. Leveraged buy out. It’s a way of using a target companies assets and cash flow as collateral against money borrowed in order to buy said company. It’s a way of getting a win for both the borrower and the lender so it’s very popular. Harold obviously knows that Eve has read the memo, he’s just trying to make sure the rest of us don’t forget it. I instantly remember why I want to smash his face in. As I imagine throwing Harold out of a window, I’m brought back to the room by the sound of Zara saying my name.
‘-and then we went to Attic and I can’t really remember what happened after that. Really good night though.’ She says while looking at me and trying not to smile. She probably thinks she’s being subtle.
‘Yeah it was a good night,’ I reply, whilst locking eyes with Eve again. ‘I’m really looking forward to the next one.’
This time she doesn’t break eye contact with me.
The meeting doesn’t take long. The team is good and has set up most of the processes whilst I’ve been away so there isn’t much that needs doing.
‘Good work guys, Let’s keep it up. Tom, speak to tech and find out where they are with the new DIB platforms, I need Max to be up to speed when he speaks with his clients next week. Other than that, let’s keep the good momentum going!’
As the team are leaving, I feel a sudden impulse to speak to Max alone. I need him to know that there is nothing between us. It needs to be professional.
‘Max, when you have a minute can you swing by my office?’
He stops by the door and turns to face me. ‘Yeah of course, I’ll swing by at the end of the day and I’m all yours.’
I feel myself tingle just at the thought.
As I approach her door, I’m slightly confused as to why she’s asked me to her office. I’ve not stopped fantasising about walking in there and fucking her of course, but realistically I know that’s not the case. The blinds are down so I can’t see inside. I pause for a minute to collect myself, luckily the floor is more or less empty now as most people have already gone home. I knock on the door and hear her invite me in. As I open the door, I can’t help but think back to our first meeting. It seems like ages ago now. Strange that this is only the second time we’ve ever been alone and yet my compulsion to get my hands on her is stronger than it’s ever been with another woman. Her office is quite big, but also quite bare. It’s stylish, but doesn’t really have that much personality, almost like she doesn’t want to give too much away by giving you clues into her real life. She has a large desk that is towards the back of the office just in front of a large window that looks out over the Thames. With position comes privilege obviously. Just another incentive to work my way up. I see her at her desk on her laptop and once again I’m almost baffled by her beauty. She’s so dangerously sexy, I wonder how every guy in this office isn’t trying to bang her.
‘You wanted to see me?’
‘You wanted to see me?’
I look up and see him standing there. With the distance between us and no other distractions I can really take him in now. He’s so tall and the shirt he’s wearing fits him so well. There is obviously something about well dressed men that appeals to me. I love a man in a shirt, and even more so when they make it look effortless.
‘Yes. I did. Take a seat please.’
Now that he’s here I don’t really know what to say. Maybe I’m being silly. Is a bit of flirting really that bad? As long as I know where to draw the line there shouldn’t be an issue. Of course I need him to know there is a line as well. I watch him as he sits down. It’s such a strange feeling to be telling yourself something intellectually that your body does not want to listen to. I can feel the desire to straddle him almost like a physical ache.
‘The thing is Max, I’m picking up on a vibe between us and I just wanted to be clear about the boundaries between us. I-‘
‘Eve, I-‘
‘Please let me finish. Maybe I’m reading into things that aren’t there, but just in case I just wanted to say that I’m married and anything between us would be completely inappropriate.’
He’s looking at me and I can’t make out what he’s thinking. Maybe I’ve got this horribly wrong and my dissatisfaction with my husband has clouded my judgement. God this could be so awkward. I’m going to look like such an idiot if I’ve got this wrong! He’ll probably tell everyone in the office and I’ll look so silly. I don’t even know if he’s got a girlfriend.
God what if he’s married. What were you thinking you stupid girl! You should have nev-
My inner meltdown is interrupted by his voice. ‘Do you want something to happen between us?’
My heartbeat instantly quickens. What the hell is going on. I stand up and turn around, facing the window, to hide my reddening cheeks. I try to find a reply but find myself too flustered to think clearly. I hear him stand up and start to walk towards me. My heart now feels like it’s going to break out of my chest and I feel like I might faint.
I move over toward her not really knowing what I’m doing. This could be career suicide. But I don’t care. She’s all kinds of flustered, I can tell that much. I’m guessing she’s never been in this situation before. I have. Lots of times. So I’m not sure why I feel like my stomach is about to fall out of my arse. She’s obviously interested, but I’m normally never this…hungry. I want her in a way I’ve never wanted someone. It’s so base. So animal. I walk over to her and stand behind her so we are only inches apart.
‘You didn’t answer my question. Do you want something to happen.’
He’s so close behind me. I could turn and kiss him without even taking a step. I can smell his cologne. Feel the warmth coming from his chest. It takes every bit of control I have to not give in to the feeling of lust that is building inside me. I can feel myself getting wet and my hands are shaking. I’m completely losing control.
‘No of course not,’ I force myself to say, although my voice betrays me as I struggle to control my breathing. ‘I’m married. And your boss. You need to-‘
He interrupts me by stepping into me and eliminating the last few inches of distance between us. I inhale sharply as his body press into mine and feel his hands on my hips pulling me into him.
I pull her into me forcefully and kiss her neck. She moans softly at my touch and responds by placing her hands on mine. My body is responding to my lust in the usual ways, but I find myself excited on a level which I’ve never known. I’ve pictured this moment so many times that now it’s here I can scarcely believe it’s real.
This is actually going to happen.
Fuck me. Just please, please fuck me.
All I can think about is his hard cock bending me over this desk.
What the hell are you doing woman. Stop this.
But I can’t, I want him to use my body. I’m tired of being ignored and unused. Just fuck me Max. Fuck me however you want. I don’t even want it to be nice. I want him to fucking ruin me. Not to ask me what I want, but just to take it from me. I turn around to face him and push him backwards so that his legs hit my desk and force him to sit on it. I move towards him viciously and he responds by pulling me into him. I move my head into his neck and kiss it.
‘Tell me you want to fuck me.’ I whisper.
‘I want to fuck you. So bad.’ He says, half breathing the words as I kiss his neck and move my hand over his crotch.
The urge to kiss his lips is so strong it feels like torture to try to resist anymore. I know that once I do there will be no stopping this. But I don’t care. I want this too much. All of my frustration towards Joshua is just pouring out of me and now that I’m in the arms of this guy that wants me so badly, I just don’t want to fight it. I want to give in to it completely. I don’t even care if he only wants me as a conquest, I just want to enjoy this feeling. I pull his hair at the back of his head and move my lips agonisingly close to his. This is it.
Knock, knock. ‘Eve, have you got a minute.’
Fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck!
It’s Christopher. What the fuck am I doing!? I feel like someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over me. I can feel my heart threatening to explode out of my chest. I don’t dare move and I realise I’m not even breathing. I can still feel Max’s cock hard in his trousers under my hand and our lips are still only inches apart as we look at each other.
Please just go, please just fucking go.
‘Eve, are you in there?’ Christopher asks again.
If he comes in I’m absolutely fucked. I have to bury my face in Max’s shirt just to stop myself from saying something. The door isn’t locked and there is nothing I can do. The panic has spread through my whole body and I can’t stop myself from shaking as the adrenaline overwhelms me. After what seems like hours, I hear Christopher mumble something and then walk away. I instantly feel my whole body sag as I finally allow myself to breathe.
‘You have to go. Now. This was a mistake. I can’t do this.’ I say, still struggling to collect myself.
I push him towards the door, feeling as if I’ve just woken up from a dream.
‘Eve…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-‘
‘Please, just go, I can’t…’ I trail off, not knowing what I even want to say.
I open the door, trying to look composed. I’m sure if anyone that knew me were looking at me now, they would know something was wrong. I can still feel the blood in my cheeks and the longing that is still making me wet.
‘Okay Max, we’ll talk again soon.’
‘Yeah no problem,’ he says, staring into my eyes as if to ensure I don’t forget this feeling. ‘I look forward to it.’
I give him one more look and don’t even notice that I’m biting my lip until I feel the pain, and then close the door. As soon as I’m alone, my knees begin to shake uncontrollably and I allow myself to slide down the wall so that I’m sitting, leaning against it with my arms around my knees. I can’t believe what just happened. That is not me. I don’t do things like that. Ever. What is happening to me? He looked so calm and controlled, like the only thing in the world that mattered to him was my body. Even as he left I could feel the lust in the intensity of his gaze.
Where did he come from?
I leave the building without stopping to speak to anyone and as soon as I’m outside in the warm summer air, I stop and lean against the wall. I can’t help but chuckle to myself even as I feel my legs feel weak as the adrenaline wears off. I did not see that coming. Not at all. Not in real life. And she was even sexier than I could ever have imagined in a fantasy. I know now that I’m not going to be able to let this go. I’ve never felt this before. She’s like a drug and now that I’ve had a taste, I know I’m going to need more.
THE MANSPLANATION 