The answer to this question is obviously going to depend a lot on your perspective. If you enjoy the single life and getting around then maybe the thrill of the chase and the conquest is where the satisfaction comes from. On the other hand perhaps feeling connected to someone on an emotional level is what makes the sex good for you. It’s a broad subject, so I thought I’d look at both and talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly!
So one night stands. The crown jewel in the argument of why single life is awesome. You can bang anyone, anytime, anywhere, and it’s all good because your single. No can tell you shit. And then in the morning, if you even wait that long, you can dust off with a story to tell and never speak to that person again unless you so choose! For some people this is the dream, but don’t be naive and think that there are no negative points. So let’s have a look at the reality of life as a single person who is getting involved in the world of one and done, hit and quit, smash and dash one nighters!
1. No strings
Positives: Sometimes you just want to smash. That’s just the way it is. It’s probably more pertinent in the male psyche, but don’t be fooled into thinking that girls don’t sometimes want to go out and just get some. There is obviously something quite liberating about just giving into physical desires without any care for getting to know someone and having to deal with any of the emotional baggage. Not having to worry about consequences or feelings can mean you can express your dirty side in a way you might not be able to with someone you know, and maybe you can do things or act in a way you otherwise would be too nervous to.
Negatives: In a true one night stand, you don’t really know who you’re going home with. Not such a problem for a dude, but for a girl that should be up there as one of the big concerns. Chances are he’s not going to try and kill you or something, but I’m just saying, you have to be careful these days! But even for a guy, you don’t know who she is or what she’s about. The fact that there are no strings may mean there is no consequence but it also means that there is no connection at all. You are both there to satisfy your own bodies cravings, which is cool, but it also means neither of you really care about the other person’s pleasure. For instance, as a dude, you’ll be lucky to get 30 seconds of head, and it will probably not be premium quality. As for being a girl, well there is always the chance that this dude will be an epic disappointment. I know a good few of these guys who rock out, thinking they are the nuts, big swinging dicks, and then I have spoken to girls who have shagged them who have said they were fucking awful and didn’t have a clue what they were doing. At least the girls got a good laugh though! Finally, there’s the potential feeling of cheapness. Again, maybe more towards girls, but if someone just cums and runs, then it might lead to feelings of worthlessness and insecurity.
Positives: If you want to get the hell out of there, then you can. It’s a one nighter and you don’t owe anything. You can say whatever you need to in order to get it in that one night and then in the morning you can do one. Or fuck again and then go. Or just leave as soon as it’s done making the most ridiculous of excuses. This positive is probably more guy-centric, but sometimes a girl will be drunk and end up going back with some dude who wouldn’t have had a shot sober and I guarantee she’s happy she can make that move and ghost the fuck out of there.
Negatives: Well obviously on the flip side you could be the one getting ghosted. As a girl, you’ve met this dude who you might think is quite genuine and then against your better instincts you decide to take the plunge and take him home because the connection between you is so strong. You contrive to fuck him like he’s never been fucked before and show him how much fun you are. Plan. All goes well. He tells you he had a really good time before he leaves. The next day you wait for the text. And the next day. and the next. It slowly dawns on you. Fuck. I just got ghosted. And dudes aren’t immune to the ghosting phenomenon. Maybe you manage to pull the hottest girl in the club or at least the one you had your eye on and against all the odds, manage to take her back and go to town on her. She’s a worldy so you want it to happen again, only to find that the number she gave you doesn’t even exist. But least you got some. Silver linings and all that.
Positives: None. Unless you’re HIV. Get it? But seriously, wrap up dude.
Negatives: Literally everything. There is nothing good about STD’s, and every other negative is irrelevant in comparison. You have no idea who you’re going home with so being careful is of the utmost importance, especially as I know guys who are genuinely considered to be ‘good’ guys, who don’t wrap up because they assume ‘it won’t happen to me.’ The thing to remember is it’s not necessarily the person you’re sleeping with that is the problem, it’s the people they’ve slept with before. Might be a cheating boyfriend who sleeps with a bunch of slags and catches something, but never tells his girlfriend and never bothered to get himself checked out and then when they break up, she’s none the wiser. It’s the sex lottery, but this is one jackpot you don’t want to win. So dudes, I know rubbers are shit and we all hate them, but it’s better than having a cock that looks like it took part in the penis version of ‘SAW’. And girls, tut tut if you don’t make him!
4. The chase.
Positives: Who doesn’t love the chase. Flirting, banter and then capping the night with some sex. It’s new, exciting and undiluted by past experience or the knowledge of prior permission. You’ve been spending the night hoping it ends like this, and unlike many other nights where it flames out into another night alone, this time it actually goes down and the mission is successful.
Negatives: Only one. I love the chase. But if you fail, it sucks arse.
So that is a look at the one night variety of sex. Now lets look at when sex actually means something. The counter punch to the one night argument is that sex with meaning can be fulfilling in a way that transcends just the physical act. There is also more scope to explore because there is a connection and a willingness to please each other. So let’s do this!
Positives: I don’t really think anyone who has had both types of sex would disagree when I say that sex with an emotional connection is better. I’m not saying that you have to be in love of course. Maybe it’s two friends that give into temptation, or maybe it’s someone you’ve fancied for a long time, or perhaps it is that you are just crazy in love with someone. The point is that there is something between you beyond simply the physical aspect that makes both of you ache to touch each other. The sex is full of passion and heat which makes it explosive in a way you could never have with a stranger.
Negatives: Not many. There is the chance that the connection between you becomes based more on emotion than physical attraction and so the lust that made the sex so stupidly good fades a bit. Having said that, this post is specifically about which type of sex is better so assuming the lust is there, the last point doesn’t really hold up.
Positives: When you are comfortable with someone and they know about your sexual desires then there is the chance to explore and delve into the boundaries of your sexual aspirations. If you have the right sexual partner, then nothing is off the table and every filthy, seedy little fantasy you’ve ever had can be enjoyed. Once a trust is built up, as long as the two of you are sexually compatible (which for the purpose of this we’ll assume you are) then nothing is off the table and a world of filth and sexual adventure is opened up.
Negatives: Again, not many, but if there is an issue it is that there may be limitations that can’t be overcame. Anal for instance. If a girl doesn’t want it, she doesn’t want it. If you’re in a relationship, then you are pretty much screwed. The one nighters of the world however can keep shopping off the rack until they happen to find the right one that lets them do what they want.
3. No self loathing.
Positives: I think this is more of a guy thing but sometimes during a one nighter, you bust that good nut, and then instantly just wish you could get the hell out. Obviously if you have pulled a stunner that may not be the case, but lets assume that is not always the case. As soon as the nuts are empty and the physical compulsion is subdued, then there is only the emotional side left. But there is no emotion. No connection. So really, a guy just wants to leave. No hugs. No snuggles. No spooning. I just want to get the fuck out because I kind of hate myself right now. In essence, It’s Playstation time and I just want to be in my own bed. But when there is a connection, this feeling doesn’t come. Spooning and cuddles seem like the best idea in the world. Throw in some strokes and we’re as happy as a pig in a literal Disney land of shit. And for girls, you know the guy is still into you, even though he no longer is just thinking about blowing his load on your face. He genuinely just wants to lie there with you because he likes being with you. It’s awesome all round!
Negatives: None. As long as you still let us play the Playstation after sufficient cuddle time.
4. Knowing each other’s body.
Positives: In a one night stand you use your ‘go to’ moves. There is no prior knowledge about what the person likes so you go with what has worked in the past and hope it works. This is not an issue when you are having sex with meaning and connection. You build up a trust and a familiarity with the other persons body and get to a point where you know exactly what they want and how they want it. A blowjob from a girl on a one night stand? Average in my experience. A blowjob from a girl who knows your body? Knee trembler every time. That’s the beauty of familiarity. There is no guess-work. Your bodies work together like a finely tuned machine and create delicious sexual friction.
Negatives: With familiarity can come boredom. If you are used to someones body then the excitement can fade and this the intensity diminishes. One night stands may not produce the best sex, but they are always exciting because it’s new. Everything is unknown and so the possibilities are endless. It might fall short of the fantasy most of the time, but it’s never boring.
So that’s just a small look into the two types of sexual liaison. Having had both types of sex, I have to say that I go for connection every time. Of all the one night stands I’ve ever had, none have been really good from a pure sex point of view. The excitement beforehand is undeniable of course and if I was single I would still have them, but in my mind, all the best sex I’ve ever had in my life has been with girls who I have really wanted to sleep with. Even if I was single, I’d rather have a fuck buddy then just try to up my numbers with whatever girl was up for it. Whether it was a girlfriend, a fuck buddy, or just a friend who it happened to pop off with, the connection has always made the sex infinitely better for me. It’s also more of a turn on. Don’t get me wrong, the idea of fucking a new girl is crazy exciting, but it doesn’t compare to the feeling of sleeping with someone who you literally can’t get enough of. Getting off on their pleasure as much as your own. Knowing that they want you so badly and that nothing else matters but the two of you and the lust between you.
For me, that’s gonna be the way to go every time.