One of my friends is going through a hard time with his wifey at the moment because she’s paranoid that he’s going to go out and cheat. What brought this on? He was honest about his past, which was shady to say the least. Now this particular girl has now taken a turn to crazy town and has pretty much lost the plot. She want to know where he is all the time and even follows him around to see where he’s going. I know right. Cuckoo, cuckoo. All aboard the unhinged train. But aside from the obvious fear that she might chop his balls off because he looks at another girl, it does raise some interesting issues. So the questions are; is her jealousy/paranoia justified because of his past, and should he have bothered telling her in the first place?
Whether he should have told her is a difficult issue. On the one hand, honestly in a relationship is always good. On the other hand, if telling someone something is going to mess things up, it it really worth it? Especially if there is a chance you’re going to wake up with her stabbing you with an ice pick. This is a legit worry for my friend! Maybe a white lie or a lie by omission is the better way to play it, when you consider real world consequences. But above and beyond both of these points is the bigger issue; should any of it even matter?
Try for a minute to leave morals, feelings, judgements, compassion and emotion behind and just look at the logical facts of what jealousy or paranoia in a relationship really is. Obviously for the sake of this piece we’re not talking about jealousy of actual cheating, rather, the kind of jealousy that is based in as yet unwarranted suspicion.
Jealousy of this kind is a useless emotion. Having a fear of something that may never even happen is madness, and is more likely to cause the break in the relationship than the phantom ‘other’ that you’ve created in your mind. What it comes down to is you either trust the person or not. If your significant other wants to go out and cheat and not confess, then the chances are they’ll get away with it. You can spend your time being paranoid, or you can just trust that they’re not cheating until there is a genuine reason to think otherwise. I’ve said the same to girls in the past. If I wanted to go out and cheat on you, I could, and the chances are you’d never find out unless I told you, so what’s the point in stressing about it. And I know it to be true vice versa, I could get cheated on and never have any idea. I get that isn’t the most popular of truths, but it doesn’t make it any less real. So bury your head if you want to, and if it offends you, well eat a dick because I could care less; the only thing I know for sure is that if you stress yourself and your partner out with constant negativity, then a relationship can’t thrive.
It doesn’t matter if you’re married, just getting started, in an open relationship or just seeing each other; negativity in the form of jealousy is a sure way to kill things. Just decide whether the person you’re with is someone you can trust. If not, then get out. Don’t just stick around and harass them with accusations. I know that as a guy, I might not be cheating on you, but if you constantly tell me that I am, then you might actually push me into doing something. If I’m going to be given the punishment for a crime I didn’t commit, I might as well go and commit it afterwards! This is the harsh truth of it; if your partner wants to get involved with someone else then there’s very little you can do to stop it. I suppose you just try and make sure that your own relationship is in a good place so that the temptation to get involved with someone else is lessened.
So why waste time worrying about things that may never come to pass. No matter what your situation, whether you’re just fucking someone or in love with someone, whether you’re just starting or long term, whatever the case, if you’re feeling someone then just enjoy it. Don’t spend your time worrying about negativity or jealousy or some phantom of future worry. Just look at the person you want and decide whether your life is better with them or without them. If you decide with them, then just chill out and shut the fuck up.
And get naked. Always just get fucking naked.