A very touchy and controversial subject. A subject that at best leads to a bit of ribbing, and at worst can tear friendships apart.

I’ve always stood firmly in the corner of it never being acceptable to ditch a mate when a new bit of booty is in the picture. I think it’s shocking, nay unforgivable, when someone disappears off the face of the earth just because their world has a new person in it. I’m like ‘HELLO!!!! I WAS HERE FIRST!!!!’

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that if there is a new love interest, you want to be around them. I don’t think any of your friends would expect otherwise. But all the time? 24/7? Really? I was there through all your shit and had to drag your arse home when drunk,  lend you money, give you lifts and whatever else you do over long friendships, and yet, all of a sudden I’m surplus to requirements because some bird has a nice rack or some dude gives you a good O! Naaaaaaaaaaaah cuzzy!!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!!!

Don’t tell me you’re busy with them the one night of the week I’m trying to get at you!!!

Go see them on Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday if you’re really clicking. In fact, see them all week if you must, but then don’t tell me you’re busy with them on the one day of the week I’m trying to get at you!!! I don’t get it! I would be mortified if my boys thought I was ditching them for a chick. After all we’ve been through…I’d expect a slap! And yet it happens all the time, and as I see it, it comes in two forms.

The first is that you just never see the person. One minute you’re cutting your hands and smearing your blood together in pacts of everlasting and unbreakable bonds (hyperbole obvs), and the next you can’t even get a reply to a text when you’re in need of help because you got too drunk, lost your keys and then fell into a bin and got stuck. The contrast is unbearable for the friend that’s left behind!!! All of a sudden they can’t make it to nights out and they are absent from the late night Playstation marathons. They make excuse after excuse, always trying to act like nothing is different and they are just busy. Or worse, they acknowledge they are seeing the new person and don’t even care, and when you bring up the issue, you’re the shit friend for not supporting them. Eat a bag of dicks!!!! Seriously!!!!

The next type is maybe even worse. ‘Oh I’m bringing ______’. 😒

It’s like they become a two headed monster that can’t live separately!

Suddenly the new person pops up at every single night out, event or even just when you chill at someones yard! It’s like they become a two headed monster that can’t live separately and have to accompany each other everywhere. You sit there being polite, because at the end of the day it’s your friend, but deep down, let’s be honest, you’re fucking raging! I’ve had this conversation a million times with my boys throughout the years; ‘It’s a boys night!!! Why is she here!?’

But after all this, all the months of abandonment, all the texts that were never replied to and nights out that were missed, even after all this…you are of course expected to drop everything the moment it goes tits up! And you do, because you’re a good friend, knowing all the while that while it’s amazing to have your friend back, the same thing will happen again the next time a new girl or guy waltzes onto the scene. Such bullshit!

What we are saying is DO NOT drop us like a bad habbit in the process!

So listen, nobody is saying don’t be excited when you get with someone new. We’re not saying don’t introduce us. We’re not saying don’t spend time with them. What we are saying is DO NOT drop us like a bad habbit in the process! If it turns into something serious then good, all your friends will be happy for you, but a month of dates and good sex does not qualify, so just remember who is going to have your back if it all goes wrong!

After all, what’s the only type of ship that never si…JUST DON’T DROP YOUR FRIENDS DOUCHBAG!!!!!!!!!!!