I was reading something this week by a woman who was talking about wanting her boyfriend to make more pre-cum. That’s right, more. She said that one of her ex boyfriends used to make enough to lube his whole johnson up several times over. I’m worried that he may just have pissed himself and she just isn’t that experienced, but whatever. The point is, it got me thinking about the sexual insecurities people have and whether they really make any difference. Are they something that sexual partners actually care about or are we just being self-conscious for no good reason? So, let’s get into it. Figuratively.

Getting too wet.

I’ve heard/read this a few times over the years from girls. I can’t even begin to imagine where this insecurity came from! Just to leave no doubt though, the answer is ‘no’, you can never be too wet. I mean, you get the fact that people actually buy lube right? A synthetic version of what you are producing naturally and you’re worried about it?! Madness! We take it as sign of how turned on you are, so the wetter the better! If in doubt, picture your vagina like a jungle, no one…wait…that’s a bad metaphor. Whatever, just know that I’ve yet to hear a guy say ‘yeah the sex is good, but I wish she was a bit dryer down there’.

The smell.

Obviously this can pertain to men and women. The answer is yes, of course it matters. If a girl goes down on a guy and his cock smells like a cheese sandwich that’s been left in the sun next to a bin, then yeah that’s going to be a problem. Likewise if the only time you can go down on a certain girl is when you have a cold, again, not ideal. However, let’s have some common sense, most of that must surely be down to poor hygiene. I mean, I’ve never gone down on a girl who just had a shower and thought about inventing knickers that have Febreeze incorporated! Let’s be real here people, it’s a vagina. It’s a dick. It’s not supposed to have new car smell or taste like strawberry cheesecake! Pussy is supposed to smell like pussy. I happen to love that fact, and I’m confident most guys do. The ones that don’t…pssssshhh…bosh them off and find someone who knows what he’s doing. And cock, well, admittedly my experience is lacking there, but I can tell the difference after two hours of football and immediately post shower, so that really tells me everything I need to know. Not rocket science dudes!

The size of your junk.

Does size matter? The immortal question that has plagued the minds of men since time immemorial! Not really a simple answer here. I’ve heard some girls say they love massive cocks, so I guess to them, size is important. That said I’ve known girls who have been with guys with massive dicks who have said it was actually quite restrictive. No lie, one of my homies has got a beast so thick he needs the chick to do stretching warmups before anything can even go down. So I guess there is no answer that is going to be 100% correct except to say that if you’ve got a micro dick you are probably a bit fucked, and the same for if you’ve got some 12″ monster. Most girls I’ve spoken to have said that as long as a dick isn’t abnormally small or abnormally big, then everything is okay, meaning I guess that as long as you’re somewhere near average you’re probably going to be okay. FYI if you’re wondering, the average in the UK is 5.16 inches according to the NHS which was a lot smaller than I would have guessed so even if you’re down that end you don’t need to panic. Unless she was with the 12″ black hole creator before you. In that case, make your excuses now and hope your tongue game is on point! Also, ladies, we love boobs in all their forms. Big, small, it’s all good. Don’t stress. It’s like chocolate, you may have your favourite, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy other types! Ya dig!?

Inexperience/too much experience.

This bothers people two ways. Those who have slept with a lot of people often worry about what their body count says about them i.e. does it make them a slut or whatever. No it doesn’t. It’s your body, do what you want with it as long as it IS what YOU WANT. As for inexperience, I get why that can be an insecurity. You don’t want to disappoint the person, or worse be ridiculed because for a bad performance. But if you feel this way, I’d say this; if the person ridicules you, what the fuck are you doing with that kind of person anyway! I would assume that only happens on one night stands, so who gives a fuck! You got yours, so turn a negative into a positive and use the experience to hone your arsehole/bitch detection skills. Now when it comes to disappointing someone, especially if they are more experienced than you, I wouldn’t stress about it. Everyone was crap in bed at one point! I remember my first time being more like an awkward wrestling match/seizure for instance. If the person gives a shit about you, and if they are a lover worth caring about, they will teach you and guide you and pretty soon you’ll be smashing those O’s out of the park like you were the sex reincarnation of Babe Ruth.

Queefing.

I get it. It can be embarrassing for a girl. Especially when people call it names like ‘fanny fart’ or whatever. All I can tell you is that it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and I’m sure most guys are with me on that. It might be a bit funny at times, but hey, why does sex always have to be so serious? My girl Belle and Notjustsex.co.uk wrote a good article on this which you can read HERE.

Cumface.

I’m not talking about how a girl looks when a dude nuts on her mug here! I’m talking about the always expressive face we make when we orgasm. Apparently this is a genuine concern  for some people. Why, I’m sure I do not know! If you’re busting that good nut or having a knee trembler, who the fuck cares what you look like! I’m sure at times I’ve looked like a mixture between Rocky shouting for ‘ADRIAN!’ and The joker, but I could care less! Sex isn’t a perfect, scripted porn movie. It’s passionate and messy and real and I love every second of it…and my facial expression is the least of my concern!

Premature ejaculation.

Um. Yeah. So obvs it’s not good. But there are techniques to be practiced and failing that doctors and medication to be explored. There are also other ways you can excel, like enhancing your foreplay. Okay, look, I know it’s shit if you bust too soon, but when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade and then fuck the girl you give the lemonade to and say ‘hey, but at least I gave you lemonade.’ You get me right? No? Me either. Basically it’s shit to cum too quick but there are options so don’t get too upset!

On thinking about it there are so many more! But alas, that’s all I’ve got time to write about today! So hit me up in the comments or on Twitter @Mansplanation and we’ll continue the discussion!