It’s been a while since the last one, but finally me and my homie Belle (@Notjustsexblog) got together to put together our second instalment of ‘The SEXplanation’ series. This one is for all you people out there going into the trenches of dating warfare; specifically the things not to do on a first date.
The first date is the most important date of them all. It’s the one that makes or breaks any chance of something developing in the future. Well maybe that’s a bit extreme, there is always a chance of a do-over if the first date goes horrendous (maybe that’s a post for another day! ‘How to recover from a dating nightmare’…hmmmm…) but I’m sure we’d all agree that is would be better to get it right on the first date and spare any blushes and awkward moments!
I mean, there are going to be awkward moments. It’s a first date. You hardly know anything about each other. Awkward silences, worrying about every aspect of your appearance, and not too mention the should I/Shouldn’t I kiss dilemma at the end of the night! One of the best ways I’ve heard it put was in Wedding Crashers;
“I don’t like the feeling. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested but I’m not really interested, or should I play like I’m interested, but I’m not that interested, but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested, but now she’s not interested? So all of a sudden I’m getting, I’m starting to get interested and when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it’s awkward, it’s like, well goodnight. You do like that ass-out hug where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you’re trying not to get too close. Do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don’t kiss them at all?”
The point being, dating, whilst sooooooo much fun, isn’t always easy. In Belle’s part she’s looked at what you shouldn’t do if you’re a guy, so I’ll tackle the other side and look at what I feel are definite female dating faux pas. Make sure you read her part (which you can get to by clicking HERE) as the whole thing will make more sense and it’s interesting to see how the different sexes can view things so….different! So anyway, let’s get into it!
1. Don’t be dry.
Ladies, don’t be dry, there is literally nothing worse. With your chat yeah, you got that right? Get your mind out of the gutter if you didn’t! There’s nothing worse than going on a date with a girl and having to do all the talking because she only gives one word answers and then gives you nothing back when it’s general chit chat. I get you might be shy or whatever and might actually be the most interesting person in the world, but if your personality screams ‘BORING’ at me, then there will definitely not be a second date.
2. Don’t be too full on.
There is nothing worse than going on a first date and getting the sense that the girl is already planing your wedding. Some girls are so desperate to be coupled up that you get a feeling that as long as the date isn’t a disaster, things could progress forward, regardless of obvious failings in the chemistry or personality match departments. This is not good for a guy for two reasons; firstly, it makes us panic, because we are probably just thinking about how much we want to have sex with you, or if we really like the way it’s going, about impressing you enough to get to the second date. If, however, we get the feeling that you’re going to be clingy and that there will be no ‘chase’, we are probably going to start to panic a bit and you more than likely won’t get the second date proposal. Secondly, it kills the aura of exclusivity. We want to feel like having you on a date, having you in bed, or having you as our girlfriend is something to be proud of. You CHOSE us! YAY! However if it feels like you would be happy with any guy because your actual aim is just not to be alone, then not only does it make us feel less special, but you start to reek of desperation, which is the biggest lust killer of all.
3. DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM.
So so so so important. Even if the date goes amazing. Even if it seems like you’re soulmates. Even if you haven’t had any for months and he’s really hot and you are literally soaking through your knickers to the point where you’re sliding off your seat. Unless you have no desire for the second date and potentially more, you should categorically NOT sleep with him. The chase is everything to a guy, and even though he is probably dying to sleep with you, in actuality he wants to work for it. To need it. To be literally a slave to the thought of it. If you give up your most powerful weapon in the dating game too quickly, you run the risk of him losing interest before he’s had a chance to grow more attached to the other parts of you. If this happens you might end up being just another girl he slept with before he found the who ends up being wifey.
This is probably irrelevant to 99% of girls and I’ve never had an issue with anything like this. But I suppose, just on the off chance there is a woman out there who is going on dates and half way through dinner is lifting her leg up and letting one rip while snorting about how funny it is, I better make it clear; on the first date you should be the most perfect version of yourself. Everyone lies on first dates. It’s like a job interview, you present the best side of yourself. Now there might be some guys who would be into some girl who had zero manners and brought out toilet humour from the start, but I’m going to say that they are probably in the minority and you are not going to get very far with that approach. Be a princess, that way you can expect him to be a prince!
5. Don’t do anything crazy.
Of course you’re a bit crazy. Every girl has some crazy in them! But on a first date you want to hide that at all costs. Don’t rant about your ex-boyfriend and how much of a dick he was. Don’t talk about how many times you’ve been fucked over. Don’t tell us how you’re almost giving up on the dating game. We do not want to hear about break ups or being cheated on, unless it’s part of conversation in which both parties are pointing out that it has happened to them. No emotional rants! You can do this kind of thing when you’ve been with someone for a while because they are invested in you. The longer someone has been with you, the more crazy you can show. No one wants to have to act perfect forever, but it’s important to not show the more ‘difficult’ part of yourself too early in the dating game. I came up with this system years ago, so if confused, use this equation. In this system ‘0’ means there is no issue with him tolerating your crazy and 10,000 (any Dragonball fans out there will get why!) is maximum and basically means your craziness is far too much handle. So the equation is thus;
1000 (maximum crazy) × (amount of crazy incidents that day) ÷ (amount of time you’ve been with the guy in days) × 10 = (how hard your crazy is to tolerate)
So if you have been with someone for a year, and you have a day where you go off for no reason twice, you have a crazy tolerance rating of 54, which is well within tolerable limits. If it was once it would be 27. He probably still hates it when you do have the occasional crazy minute, but he is far too invested to leave you because of it. If however it is a first date, even one single incident of crazy can land you a massive score of 10,000. Even if we say you have been on three dates over a two week period, and only had one incidence of crazy on the third date, you can still land a score of 714! So lock the crazy up!!! And do the equation before you let it out! Once you’re below 500 you should be safe.
6. Don’t be all about you.
Of course we want to know about you, and any guy who is even semi proficient on the dating scene should know that being a good listener is a very big turn on for most women. However, we also want to feel like you are interested in us and more than that, we want to feel like we have impressed you. Men have big ego’s so the more you stroke his, the better things will go. If you talk about yourself too much, it gives the impression of high maintenance which is another second date killer. I’ll put this one in here even though it’s technically a separate point; don’t be too aloof. We love the chase, but we don’t want to feel like you’re not interested. Make us work, but then reward us when we do!
7. Don’t wear tracksuit bottoms.
I’m not even going to explain that one.
Okay, so I did have a few more, but the piece was getting a bit long. Hit me up in the comments or on Twitter (@mansplanation) if you want to know what they were or if you want to banter about the stuff here! Don’t forget to check out the female point of view in Belle’s part which you can read HERE.